Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
