i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
