Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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