he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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