The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize