I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
