ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pants are for mortals
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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