don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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