First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
