Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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