I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
