I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
