i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
