Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
