So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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