he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
