at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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