omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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