But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
