i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
