apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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