No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
