Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
