two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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