Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
