every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
