Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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