My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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