Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
