Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
