I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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