Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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