i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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