You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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