But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
