i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
