Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
