Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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