you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You are the jesus of drinking
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
