I wish I could punch you in the face.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
