i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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