Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
