I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
