that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
