no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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