I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
