maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I sprained my soul last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
