i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
