so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
operation harelip BJ is a go
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
