Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
