what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
