One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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