i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
