Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
