Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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