I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
