I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
