I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
