I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
COCAINE IS GR8
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
