theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
