when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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