Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
