make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
