wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
