Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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