3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
