this boner is exhausting
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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